Columnist Eugene Koay

Consider the possibility of an effective, productive life with limitless boundaries and happiness.

Easy, right? Now consider standing up in front of about 200 people and expressing yourself to your family. Not possible? That's what I thought, too. In fact, that's what my entire family thought as well, until they attended The Landmark Forum.

The Forum is a three day intensive inquiry into what it is to be a human being. On any given weekend, there are about three or four Forums going on around the world.

This program opened so many new ideas up for me, ideas that I have never even considered. After hearing each new idea, I felt like something smacked me in the face, and I knew that I would never be the same.

It's nice to know why I can't get along with certain people, why people act the way they do and, most importantly, why I act the way I do. I never expected what happened inside that room of about 80 people to ever happen. I expected people telling me how to live my life and how not to live it.

In The Forum, no one is forced or pressured to do anything. The supervisor gives you the choice to stay or leave. Although staying took a strong commitment, the payoff was so great and immense that no price could make a difference.

Before I went for the first session, I was not too anxious to spend my whole weekend listening to a guy speak about life, something I thought I had already conquered. After just listening for one hour, I realized I had no grasp whatsoever.

The Forum leader presented models to everyone. These models were so simple that I couldn't believe I never thought of them. Explanations of so many things that I could never figure out just popped into my head after hearing his powerful words.

All these represented a totally different aspect of life. It was presented like you are looking in through the window of life and seeing everything the way it is. This different outlook was what gave me the insight into why things are the way they are, and I began to realize more about myself.

I always considered myself to be a competitive person. I soon realized why.

In elementary school, I was one of the class clowns. The other goofballs and I would always hold the class back, and I never saw anything wrong with it and continued until I got to third grade.

My sister, Jeannine, was always the nerd of the family. I didn't like her. She'd get the straight A's - and the expensive toys. My parents were always big on rewards for academics. I never realized that until I got my first set of straight A's.

That was like the turning point of my life. I took school seriously - with a little joke every now and then. I became obsessed with being the best because that was what got the toys.

Soon I found myself at the top of my class, but that was not good enough. I wanted to be the best in everything, so I joined sports. I was always fulfilling my ambitions the best I could, but I never realized that those ambitions stemmed from a want of toys.

Once a person is able to realize everything about himself, he can create new possibilities with that in mind. That was how The Forum worked. One thing led to the next, and suddenly I found myself creating possibilities for myself and committing myself to it.

After hearing and conceptually seeing the models presented to me, it was easy for me to deal with people and myself from that point on, and that's the main thing I got out of The Forum. I can talk freely to people without being scared, hesitating or thinking about anything.

Although I have this new outlook, I know my education in life is not complete. With all the useful things that I learned from the Forum, I'm still unsure when it comes to sharing what I learned.

Right after my graduation from the Forum, I ran into this problem. Talking to a friend that night, I was tempted to tell her much of the stuff I learned. Without truly knowing how to explain everything in five minutes that took three days to cover at the Forum, I was stuck.

Despite this, I'm sure I'll learn to deal with it. Life is something that can't be totally covered in a classroom, but learning the basics is as essential as your ABC's.

Reprinted from Texans Talk, November 10, 1995,
Fort Worth, Texas.
(Eugene Koay was a 15-year-old student at Sam Houston High School in Ft. Worth at the time the article was written).